I Try (a song)

I try to walk, I try to move, I try to breathe but all I see is you.
Just your eyes lost in that place the tears that ran right down your face
and spilled into me...

Sunshine in the afternoon, I saw you walking,
the sunlight seemed to pour from you
I lost myself in the way you moved
and we started talking...

All of lifethere in your voice
hanging me with every word you said
when you looked at me I felt complete
your eyes all I see in my head...

I try to walk, I try to move, I try to breathe but all I can do is look at you
and your bright eyes shining.
If hope could make a dream come true,
that's how I feel when I'm with you...

I Loved You Before...

I loved you before there were words to say it or actions to show it

I loved you before there were gifts to bring you or songs to sing you.

I loved you before there was even a way to touch you, hold you...know you.

I loved you before there were hours or minutes or days
and time stretched out into eternity in both directions.

I loved you before, there in that place, before we even existed.

Only a Dream (To My Love)...

Sometimes I imagine you were only a dream I dreamed; that you only existed in my visions and we never really met...sometimes I imagine you were a character from my vividly roaming mind, a story I told, a movie I saw, or a combination of all the above...sometimes I dream about you and when I wake up I try to convince myself that, you were never really here. Only there, in my head. But your memory lingers in my heart...sometimes I think it would be easier to move on, let go, forget about you if you really were just a man in my dreams, but how can you forget the man of your dreams?

I have loved you truly, I am changed because I have loved you...if we had never met, you are the one I'd still hope for. And even if we are never together, you are the one I will close my eyes and dream of...I feel my heart has never loved like this, nor ever again will. I try to let go, I try to move on because I am told I must, but I don't know how to loosen myself from my own skin, how to cut myself away from my own soul...

Gone

Today I fel disconnected from anyone as if I am that infamous "dust in the wind," a feather floating all alone and aimless through a world of eyeless and earless beings--soulless faces that do not notice me, that do not care. I am important to no one, and the "most important" to no one. Today I want to sink into the air, dissipate into nothingness and just be...gone.

All I Have...

All I have is this paper and these pens; sketches of what was and what I'd hoped would be. A fingerprint here and there, the tell-tale sign that I'm the one who drew it, that this is not reality, only what I wish it could be...

To Do or To Be...

Today I don't really want to get out of bed and clean the house, shop for groceries (or Christmas gifts or paints). Today I don't really want to do homework, paint a "set-up of unusual objects", write lesson plans, or write out bills. Today I just want to listen to Emmylou and Johnny Cash. Today I just want to contemplate the sun shining through the windows and feel it warm my face and hands. Today I just want to close my eyes and, not sleep, but let them truly rest. Today I want to imagine that his love is mine (or let the realization that it's not fall around me like this year's leaves, without others' words and thoughts and opinions on the matter at heart).

Today I want to be like we used to. Today I want to remember and today I want to forget. Today I want to hear your voice saying those things you've said before, but this time in honest truth. Today I want to be separate from the Earth, another body entirely, spinning, revolving, rotating on my own in a constellar dance with the other galaxies and planets and stars. Today I want to be free, untied, unkempt and wild. Today I want to be the only one or one, quietly shining, among a million. Today I want to be lost and found and sad and happy and together and lonely and all the things that have escaped me because I have been so busy doing. Today I want to be on a hill or a mountain, by a stream. Today I want to be a part of the earth, the soil, the ocean, the wind. Today I want to be the breeze that moves the trees to dance or sing. Today I want to be aware of where I am in the One in Whom I live and move and have my being. Today I want to be still and know, to feel the weight of my place with the Trinity, to know that I am small...and large, sinful and sainted. Today I want to be loved and despised, to be the contradiciton of things (aren't we all?) that make me who I am, and still the apple of Someone's eye.

Today I don't want to do. Today I just want to be...

Love Letters

After several months of phone calls, revisions, and going back and forth between the publisher and me, my first published book is available. Though it is a simple ABC book, every page an "I love you" from a parent to a child, I am quite excited that it is bound and there are multiple copies and it has its own ISBN#!!!! And also that people are actually buying it!!!