Today I don't really want to get out of bed and clean the house, shop for groceries (or Christmas gifts or paints). Today I don't really want to do homework, paint a "set-up of unusual objects", write lesson plans, or write out bills. Today I just want to listen to Emmylou and Johnny Cash. Today I just want to contemplate the sun shining through the windows and feel it warm my face and hands. Today I just want to close my eyes and, not sleep, but let them truly rest. Today I want to imagine that his love is mine (or let the realization that it's not fall around me like this year's leaves, without others' words and thoughts and opinions on the matter at heart).
Today I want to be like we used to. Today I want to remember and today I want to forget. Today I want to hear your voice saying those things you've said before, but this time in honest truth. Today I want to be separate from the Earth, another body entirely, spinning, revolving, rotating on my own in a constellar dance with the other galaxies and planets and stars. Today I want to be free, untied, unkempt and wild. Today I want to be the only one or one, quietly shining, among a million. Today I want to be lost and found and sad and happy and together and lonely and all the things that have escaped me because I have been so busy doing. Today I want to be on a hill or a mountain, by a stream. Today I want to be a part of the earth, the soil, the ocean, the wind. Today I want to be the breeze that moves the trees to dance or sing. Today I want to be aware of where I am in the One in Whom I live and move and have my being. Today I want to be still and know, to feel the weight of my place with the Trinity, to know that I am small...and large, sinful and sainted. Today I want to be loved and despised, to be the contradiciton of things (aren't we all?) that make me who I am, and still the apple of Someone's eye.
Today I don't want to do. Today I just want to be...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
After several months of phone calls, revisions, and going back and forth between the publisher and me, my first published book is available. Though it is a simple ABC book, every page an "I love you" from a parent to a child, I am quite excited that it is bound and there are multiple copies and it has its own ISBN#!!!! And also that people are actually buying it!!!