So, today--well really this whole past few days--has been tiringly confusing, and has caused my over-analytical mind to shift into over-drive...
Burke, the school I currently teach at, is closing and merging with another school. All of the teachers at Burke were supposed to move seamlessly into the new building along with current Ingram-Pye teachers. No problem, right? Well, actually, we discovered a couple of months ago that we would not be seamlessly shifting into the new school, but would have to interview for a spot. In the meantime, my urgent desire to do something different within my career has prompted me to look into teaching gifted for the county. I've pondered and prayed about this opportunity, and felt that this is where God was leading me. So, I figured I would keep a low profile. Interview at Ingram-Pye and apply for the gifted endorsement, keep my possibilities open.
Seems simple enough, but right now there are 115 displaced (syn. without a job) teachers within the county. And with the gifted job application, there's no gurantee that I will be among one of the few who make it through the door. Also, we just signed our contracts for the county this March, while the gifted application process won't even begin until April. Principals are having to make decisions about teachers for next year right now. In an advised decision, I voluntarily put myself on the displacement list attempting to be ethical (not wanting to accept a job at one place while seeking one in another). And, honestly, I didn't think I would be offered a job at Ingram-Pye. Ready to step out on faith and apply for the REACH (gifted) position, I left work at peace for the weekend.
Then, today, I receive a letter of acceptance to Ingram-Pye. "Oh! Now what to do?" Also, I find out that 2 other teachers who were not going to be at the school were also given positions. (To twist things up even more...I had a dream 2 weeks ago that I was unpacking things at a new school building with these 2 teahcers!). What a quandry!!! Do I accept the job that's a sureity or turn it down to pursue something that I REALLY want but am not certain to obtain? Is this a test of my faith to not look at what I see? Or is it God's way of providing for me in the face of the economic crisis?
Not to mention that it also has me second guessing other things I've felt like He was telling me to do where other things are concerned: graduate school, living arrangements, people in my life etc. Were those times merely me wanting something so much that I thought He was telling me something? This is life though, I suppose, walking by faith and expecting His goodness to be constant.